Where are they all going? I’m solving this mystery one weird discovery at a time.
Jokes about washers eating our socks have been around since the dawn of washers, I’m pretty sure. I wouldn’t be writing about this if that’s all I had to say. Listen, folks, it’s so much deeper than that. You have no idea. It’s a coordinated effort involving the entire house! Some might accuse me of being into conspiracy theories after you read what you’re about to read, but this is like Illuminati stuff right here. I might even be in danger for letting you know where to find all of those missing socks (and as I discovered, even washable breast pads)! Yes, I said “breast pads,” and if you are too delicate for that phrase, then I’m sorry, but perhaps this blog is not for you. I’m a mom. I used them. Let’s move on.
Anyway, I loved the bamboo reusable breast pads, but I only had enough for about a week without washing them. Then I started noticing I couldn’t even go that long. I searched my laundry baskets, looked under chairs, asked my son if he had eaten them, etc. He couldn’t talk yet, but I bet he wasn’t going to confess anyway. It was pretty frustrating. I assumed maybe he had figured out how to sneak them into the trash.
Well, in addition to losing those, I was also losing baby socks like crazy. I had so many pairs missing their mate that I was about to start a Tinder app for socks. It was ridiculous. Never mind that during this time my son wouldn’t leave socks on for five minutes anyway. I still had to at least try to have him wear them in public…it was winter in Ohio, after all, and the judgmental looks you can get for having a barefoot baby in a store can be intense. Because of this, I mostly just had him wear footie pajamas or the fluffy green monster slippers that he tolerated, but still needed socks for under those.
Of course, there were also our usual missing adult socks. I have a pile of socks that I periodically go through to check for matches. It’s so satisfying to reunite them with their sole mates. I finally gave up on some that had been in the pile for years and made them into dust rags. I did feel bad…they still had so much hope. Who knows…perhaps they found love in my rag pile. Or maybe they decided they didn’t need a significant other to be happy and they started living for themselves. Either way, my guilt about it subsided pretty quickly.
Back to the missing socks: years ago, I discovered that my sock drawer had literally eaten whole pairs of socks by sucking them into the gap along the back and sides, apparently during the times that I tried to shove too many in there. I pulled the entire drawer out and discovered several pairs of socks that way. It was about as exciting as getting new socks for Christmas (I’m not being sarcastic, either…I actually enjoy getting new socks for Christmas. Heck, as kid, I used to ask for new underwear, but that’s a story for another day).
Anyway, so that solved one mystery: the drawers were in on it with the washer. But where in the heck were they all going inside the washer? Well, I don’t know about where they normally go, but I figured out one place in my washer. I have a front-load washer and there is a rubber seal in the front that I guess you’re supposed to clean pretty frequently. Yeah, I totally do that. Or not. I probably did for a while after we purchased it, but then I became forgetful and lazy. It never looked dirty anyway, so it seemed kind of pointless.
Well, one time several months ago, I saw something sticking out of this seal. I pulled it out and it was a breast pad. I pulled back the seal and Holy Schnikes! There inside were several of the missing breast pads, some baby socks, and even a pen (thank goodness the pen ended up there and not all over the clothes)! Some must’ve been in there a while because they were pretty gross. You know how laundry gets when you forget to take it out of the washer? Yeah, it was kind of like that. Eww. I had to deep clean those suckers, but I was still excited that I found them. I was definitely more diligent about putting smaller items in mesh laundry bags and checking that seal going forward.
So that was another mystery solved. Another place I found socks was in our various vehicles. Like I said, my son would not leave his socks on, so he would pull them off and throw them around while he was in his car seat. The vehicles would then seize the opportunity to help hide the socks as best as they could, sometimes under seats or down along the car seat base. They were definitely involved in this underground society of sock-hiders. At times, I would even find them tossed into the driveway.
I thought I had most of the hiding spots figured out, but once again, I was down to only a few breast pads. I checked the washer. Nope. I asked my son again if he had eaten them, but he still wasn’t talking. It wasn’t until my phone fell behind the twin bed in my son’s room that I found them wedged between the bed and the wall, along with some toys and two of my missing eye masks. I guess while I was busy nursing my son before bed, the bed frame and wall were busy plotting how they could get a tasty snack.
Sure, you could blame my son (and I’m not ruling out his involvement in this whole deal), but I’m going to go ahead and say that the furniture and walls are in on this too. I’m telling you, it’s the whole house and even the vehicles. Do you see it now? It’s so much bigger than anyone realizes. We need to stay vigilant and maybe even risk being targeted in order to get the truth out there.
If you have solved your own mysteries regarding missing socks and other items of clothing, please comment and let others know about it. It’s the only way we’re going to stop this craziness.
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Haha! The struggle is so real!! Every load of laundry has at least one sock without a “sole” mate (don’t think I didn’t catch what you did there! 😂)! Like, we put them on as a pair, take them off as a pair, shouldn’t they come out of the finished laundry as a pair?!? I don’t even have a toddler or pets to blame it on! Where, oh where do they go?!?
Sorry I didn’t see this for a bit. I don’t know if it will notify you of my response, but thanks for the comment. I don’t get the sock thing either. I still don’t know where most of our missing adult socks are going!