I already wrote about how much my decorating sense has had to change because of childproofing after we had our son, but now I’m going to touch on another aspect, which is creatively using things you already have on hand to thwart curious children from getting into danger, or more simply, “DIY Childproofing.” Some of the things I did out of desperation were kind of humorous, some might be hard to replicate, and a couple might actually be useful to other parents.
I am mainly sharing these ideas for a laugh (although they do work for us) and will not be held responsible if someone uses said ideas and their child gets hurt. These ideas are actually not child-proofing, just child-thwarting. Constant supervision is still needed, but there are only so many times a mom can distract, redirect, and say “No” to things like a baby playing with the fake logs in the gas fireplace, before she decides that any solution, no matter how flawed, is better than nothing.
You see, you can buy pre-made baby-proofing items for the obvious things, like outlets and cabinets. You can get baby gates. But, as all parents eventually discover, there are some things that aren’t so cut-and-dry. Some things force you to get creative. So, keeping that in mind, here are some of the weirdest things I did to keep my baby out of trouble once he was a mobile, ornery little stinker.
Let’s start with the gas fireplace we have in the middle of our living room. As soon as my son was mobile, it was his favorite thing to roll over to and hit. The chain-metal screen made a fun sound when he smacked it. He also tried to eat it. We made sure the pilot light was turned off and frequently pulled him away from it, but he is very persistent (a trait that will probably serve him well later in life, but currently drives us crazy).
Sure, we could’ve bought some kind of giant gate thing, but the wall has some special painted faux-texture that we will not be able to recreate if we put dents in it. Not to mention, the ceilings are quite high and painting would probably require scaffolding. Baby gates are also ridiculously expensive, especially the longer kind we would need to cover our huge fireplace. We most likely will not be able to use this fireplace again for a very long time.
We basically just let it go and kept telling him “Uh, uh” while pulling him away over and over. When he grew more and was able to stand, I realized he was reaching in and scratching off tiny chunks of the foam-like, painted logs. When he pulled the top log off entirely, I’d had enough.
As luck would have it, the same day that I was desperate to find anything to cover the fireplace opening, we happened to have an Amazon box still sitting in the living room. It looked about the right size, but what were the chances that it would fit in there? It had to be just right, but also be a bit of a tight fit, or else he could remove it. I pushed it in (with a bit of finagling), and can you believe it? It was actually perfect. He tried and tried to get back to his beloved logs, but eventually gave up.
The box is unsightly; it shows where I ripped off loose tape and labels so he wouldn’t tear them off himself and choke. But he no longer messes with the fireplace and that’s all that matters to this exasperated mama. I thought about painting it black or painting a nice fire on it, but haven’t gotten around to it. I even considered writing really big with a Sharpie something like, “Do us a favor and pretend you see a lovely fire here and not an ugly box” to embrace it and make others laugh.
But back to the miracle that occurred…I mean, I couldn’t have found a box just that size if I tried, but there it was, like magic. Thanks, Amazon!
Later, I used that exact same type of box to cover the front of the computer desk so he would stop messing with the printer. I have to make sure the chair is pushed against it, and he can still get it off with effort, but I have more time to see it and stop him. So now we have two big, ugly, slightly-ripped cardboard boxes in our living room. Chip and Joanna Gaines would be so proud of our “rustic-chic” look. Hey, now that they have a small child again, maybe their house will start to look just as bad as mine (I’m guessing not, but it would make me feel a little better).
Next we have the stairs. Our stairs have sort of spiraled banisters at the bottom and skinny spindles, making a baby gate tricky. The solutions I found were pricey (man, I’m really starting to sound like a cheapskate). I finally realized I had a thick canvas picture that was just the right size to slide through the spindles. I used a few metal carabiners hooked together around a spindle and secured to the metal hanging hook on the back of the canvas. We just step over the entire thing. It’s been working great so far. (Update: we eventually caved and bought the huge expensive gate when he started climbing up the outside of the stairs).
After he could stand up and mess with the blinds, I had to pull them all up about a foot and tie up the cords. Goodbye, privacy! I hope none of the neighbors got a peep-show when I nursed him in the recliner right in front of the open blinds. One of the blinds is actually broken, so we always just kept it down. I had to pull it up and secure it with a few twist ties. Later, the little stinker climbed on a basket to reach the blinds anyway, so the basket had to go somewhere else.
Next, I had to move a filing cabinet closer to the computer desk and wedge an unneeded desk shelf on the other side of it to block the computer cords he kept trying to pull out of the only outlet we could use there. Then he kept pulling open the filing cabinet drawers, so I shoved a rod you use to open blinds (from the broken blinds) down through the drawer handles. He could still open them both if he really tried, but he usually doesn’t have the motivation anymore.
I shoved a wooden picture I didn’t really like anymore between the wall and the entertainment center so he couldn’t grab the cords there. I put a basket in front of speaker wire running up along the mantle (this later was not enough and we had to move the speaker). When I had a large Pampers box, it was wedged between a wall and a stack of TV trays to keep them from falling on him. The play yard was shoved in front of the glass doors of the TV stand so he couldn’t open them. I used hair ties on cabinet knobs while waiting for my husband to finish putting cabinet locks on all the doors.
His favorite activity was climbing on our elliptical machine. I had to shove a big exercise ball between one side and the stairs, and a cardboard box on the other side against the wall. This makes it really inconvenient to use, which is my excuse now (don’t ask me about my excuse for the last year or so when this wasn’t a thing).
When it came to books and bookshelves, I pushed a changing table against a bookshelf so he couldn’t reach the books and the shelf couldn’t fall. When he starting pulling out books from any shelves he could reach, I added books from other shelves until the books were so tight together that even I had trouble getting one out. When he started climbing over the couch, I pretty much surrounded the entire thing with blankets on the floor.
Yes, the days of our house looking put together are over for a long time, I’d say. I’ve had to let go of any notion of perfection and embrace the junky cardboard look. He surprises me constantly with new things I need to figure out how to block.
How about you? What creative childproofing have you had to use? Share in the comments below.
